Former State's Attorney With Over 38 Years of Experience

How Domestic Violence is Done and Ways to Fight Them

Domestic violence is a threat to many women. It is vital to know the signs that show that you may be in an abusive relationship. This can help you when you need to escape from a dangerous situation.

When your partner apologizes and assures you that the bad behavior will not be repeated, you think it will. Sometimes you ask yourself whether the abuse is in your imagination- but the physical and emotional pain and suffering you feel is the reality. If this is true, you may be experiencing domestic violence.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a form of behavior that is abusive in a relationship. A partner uses it to get or maintain control or power over their intimate partner. Domestic violence includes threats of measures or certain behaviors that affect the other partner in the relationship. Abusive behaviors include the following:

  • Physical abuse – There are different kinds of physical abuse, such as hitting, shoving, pinching, pulling hair, grabbing, slapping, or biting. Physical abuse also involves declining medical care for a partner or pushing them to take alcohol or drugs.
  • Sexual abuse – Forcing or trying to force sexual contact against the other partner’s will. Sexual abuse involves actions like marital rape, coercing sex after abusing the partner physically, or conducting oneself towards the victim in a sexual way.

Emotional Abuse

Weakening someone’s self-esteem or sense of worth is emotional abuse. It involves constant criticism, name-calling, reducing the abilities of someone, or spoiling the relationship with their children.

It may not be easy to pinpoint domestic violence in the beginning. Some relationships are abusive from the beginning; abuse usually starts lightly and worsens later. You may be going through domestic violence if you relate to a person who:

  • Calls you bad names or puts you down.
  • Prevents you from visiting family or friends or going to work.
  • Controls how you plan to use money, what to wear, or what type of medicine to take.
  • Acts possessive, jealous, or accuses you every time of being unfaithful.
  • Becomes resentful while using alcohol and drugs
  • Forces sex on you against your will.
  • Hits, shoves, kicks, or chokes either you or your children or pets.

Extreme Jealousy

When someone is extremely jealous, it shows that they lack trust and are insecure, but an abuser will try to convince you that it shows love. The abuser will accuse their intimate partner of flirting or ask you about who you talk to. They even become jealous if you spend time with other family members, friends, or children.

The abuser may prevent their partner from going to work or school because they fear their partner will meet another person. They may make a series of calls to their partner and can decide to go where they are unexpectedly.

Controlling Behavior

If one partner leads the relationship and he or she is the one who decides on everything, that is domestic abuse. They are always the ones who check up on the other partner. They want to know when the victim leaves home, ask where the partner is going, or check the vehicle’s odometer.

The partner with abusive behavior may check the other partner’s mobile phone, website, or email history. They can control the finances and try to control how the victim dresses or where they should go.

Quick Involvement

The abusive partner sets in strongly at the early stages of the relationship. They push you for a commitment, saying that you are the only one they can talk to or that they have never met someone more exacting like you. The abuser is romantic and charming at the onset of your relationship.

Unreasonable Expectations

They expect their victims to be perfect and fulfill all their needs. They will tell you something, like “If you love me, you do not need anything or anyone else.”

Blame Others

The partner with the abusive behavior does not want to be accountable for their problems. They blame others, especially their victims, for practically everything. You will hear them tell you, “You made me angry.”

Use of Violence and Threats Against You

Violence involves using physical force, such as by suppressing the victim, shoving them against the wall, or stopping them from getting out of the room.

The abusers can throw them to the ground or smash things, especially treasured possessions, to punish or scare their victims into submitting. The abuser can also strike objects next to the victim to frighten them.

Threats of violence comprise threatening physical harm used to control a victim, like verbal abuse with words like “I am going to break your neck” or “I will kill you.”

Economic Abuse      

This is holding back one’s ability to get, maintain, or use economic resources they have a right to. It involves using force and manipulation to prevent a person from obtaining assets and money, influencing someone’s financial decision or behavior and coercing default on financial responsibility, or using the powers of attorney to their advantage.

Psychological Abuse

Emotional or psychological abuse includes threats of harming themselves, the other partner, the victim’s family or children, destroying property, and separating the victim from family or friends.

What Can I Do As A Domestic Violence Victim?

A victim of intimate partner violence can get help from legal protections like restraining orders and protective orders.

A protective order is a document within the law used to restrain an abusive partner from coming close to you, disturbing, or hurting you, your children, and other people you care about. You can get a protective order from the court.

The restraining orders might end domestic abuse, but it depends on how your partner obeys the laws. Psychological abuse can continue, and restraining is not a safety plan. In case of a life-threatening situation, you should call 9-1-1 or a national domestic violence hotline. Ask for help when it is safe for you after a domestic violence incident, and you will receive legal assistance.

If you anticipate being in an abusive relationship, know that we are here for you, and you can get help. Consider contacting Michael J. Brennan’s law firm at 708-578-7914.

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